Something completely different

This one’s for the scientists.

Tom Lehrer’s “The Elements”

Jonathan Coulton’s “That Spells DNA”

Science Groove’s “Glucose, Glucose”

And on a more somber note, Flanders & Swann’s “20 Tons of TNT”

Free download of “4:33″ (no, seriously)

I just saw that John Cage’s “4:33″ is available on iTunes as a free download. It’s not every day you get a chance like this! Oh, wait…

What’s even funnier is that at one point iTunes offered both a “Clean” and an “Explicit” version. No, I’m not making this up.

(If none of this makes sense, see here.)

Ogden Nash’s “To My Valentine”

 

One day late. Drat.

——————-

More than a catbird hates a cat,
Or a criminal hates a clue,
Or the Axis hates the United States,
That’s how much I love you.

I love you more than a duck can swim,
And more than a grapefruit squirts,
I love you more than a gin rummy is a bore,
And more than a toothache hurts.

As a shipwrecked sailor hates the sea,
Or a juggler hates a shove,
As a hostess detests unexpected guests,
That’s how much you I love.

I love you more than a wasp can sting,
And more than the subway jerks,
I love you as much as a beggar needs a crutch,
And more than a hangnail irks.

I swear to you by the stars above,
And below, if such there be,
As the High Court loathes perjurious oathes,
That’s how you’re loved by me. 

 

Musk for librarians?

Library-scented perfume.

While I do like the smell of old books, I can’t say I’ve ever been tempted to ask one out.

National Museum of Funeral History

Link.

Mike: Heh. You know, people are just dying to–

Tom Servo: No!

(Context, 9:48 )

Westminster council report: Librarians “should be sexier”

We’re doing our best, people.

(Link to the Evening Standard article on the report.)

More Christmas music

And more Jonathan Coulton. This time the song is called “Christmas Is Interesting,” and it should make you glad you’re not fictional during the Christmas season.

You have put on your feety pajamas 
It’s time for a long winter’s nap 
There’s a knock on the door and a stranger is there 
He wants you to sit on his lap 
He takes your watch and he gives you a hairbrush 
Your wife gets a wig on a chain 
He says he can’t stay 
Cause he’s got a long way to go 
And it’s starting to rain 

(refrain)
Christmas is interesting 
Like a knife in your heart 
Christmas is interesting 
How it tears you apart 
Christmas is interesting 
Like a stick in your eye 
It’s so freaking interesting 
That it might make you cry 

So you’re an elf, but you’d rather be a dentist 
Maybe you’re a train with square wheels 
Maybe you’re a squirt gun that only shoots jam 
Now you know how Jesus feels 
He is riding a sleigh he calls Rosebud 
His mansion is lonely and cold 
He can’t remember a pleasant December 
When he wasn’t tired and old 

(refrain)

So you’re drunk and your name is Jimmy Stewart 
You once had a wonderful life 
Then you lost all your money, you cracked up your car 
You yelled at your favorite wife 
You go to bed and you wait for Jacob Marley 
He comes to make you feel brave 
But under his cloak he is nothing but smoke 
And a finger that points at your grave 

(refrain)

Christmas music

Yesterday at Megan’s a bunch of us were talking about Christmas music, and the conversation drifted towards unconventional songs. Here’s my contribution: “Chiron Beta Prime,” by Jonathan Coulton. If you’ve ever wondered what a Christmas newsletter from a family conquered by robots would be like–and really, who hasn’t?–then wonder no longer.     

This year has been a little crazy for the Andersons.
You may recall we had some trouble last year.
The robot council had us banished to an asteroid.
That hasn’t undermined our holiday cheer.
And we know it’s almost Christmas by the marks we make on the wall.
That’s our favorite time of year.

Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime,
Where we’re working in a mine for our robot overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime.

On every corner there’s a giant metal Santa Claus, who watches over us with glowing red eyes.
They carry weapons and they know if you’ve been bad or good.
Not everybody’s good but everyone tries.
And the rocks outside the airlock exude ammonia-scented snow.
It’s like a Winter Wonderland.

Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime,
Where we’re working in a mine for our robot overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime.

That’s all the family news that we’re allowed to talk about.
We really hope you’ll come and visit us soon.
I mean we’re literally begging you to visit us.
And make it quick before they [MESSAGE REDACTED].
Now it’s time for Christmas dinner – I think the robots sent us a pie!
You know I love my soylent green.

Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime,
Where we’re working in a mine for our robot overlords.
Did I say overlords? I meant protectors.
Merry Christmas from Chiron Beta Prime.