Eclipse, Ch. 5-6

Chapter 5. Imprint

Jacob and Bella are still talking, and Jacob is still acting a like a Class-A jackass. He starts talking about how awesome it would be if he and Edward had a duel to the death. Unsurprisingly this doesn’t sit well with Bella, so Jacob holds hands with her and tells her a story about werewolves. Awww, I guess, though I wonder why someone as obviously attached as Bella is cool with him holding her hand. To pass the time, Jacob mentions that becoming a werewolf has stopped him from aging. Bella briefly reflects on the irony of this and feels a little envious, but she accepts it with good grace.

Just kidding. Bella’s actual response is worth reproducing in full:

"You. Are. Not. Aging," I growled through my teeth.
Jacob tugged my arm gently, trying to make me sit. "None of us are. What's wrong with
you?"
"Am I the only one who has to get old ? I get older every stinking day!" I nearly shrieked,
throwing my hands in the air. Some little part of me recognized that I was throwing a
Charlie-esque fit, but that rational part was greatly overshadowed by the irrational part.
"Damn it! What kind of world is this? Where's the justice ?"
"Take it easy, Bella."
"Shut up, Jacob. Just shut up! This is so unfair!"

I think the wrongness–in every sense of the word–speaks for itself, so I won’t belabor the point. If Stephenie Meyer had set out to write Bella as narcissistic and sociopathic almost to the point of solipsism this would be pretty effective writing. Sadly, we all know this isn’t the case; there’s plenty of evidence that Bella is basically Stephenie Meyer in fictional form. (See here for Meyer’s description of Bella and here for a helpfully annotated image of Meyer.)

But I digress. Jacob continues his story, and he tells her how Sam, the head werewolf, ended up with Emily, his wife. (We met them in New Moon, if you care.) Werewolves have “imprinting,” which is suppoed to be like “true love” (whatever that means in the Twilight universe), only stronger. Apparently he was in love with one girl, but once he met her cousin he magically “imprinted” on her and now they’re furiously in love. Sam and his pack now hate vampires for triggering their werewolfness and causing sam break up with his original girl. You read that right: Sam hates vampires because they made him date his girlfriend’s hot cousin.

Well, imprinting means never having to say you’re sorry, I guess. Still, I’d love to know how that conversation went down: I keep imagining something like, “I’m sorry, baby, but it’s imprinting. You know how it is. I got to get with your cousin now.” Disgusted by the inherent skeeviness of this story, Bella reacts with outrage.

Just kidding. For some unguessable reason, Bella seems to find nothing especially problematic about this. To my horror, she doesn’t seem all that dismayed when Jacob implies that Sam was the werewolf who left Emily horribly scarred. I know I joked about Sam being responsible for her injuries, but jeez, I never expected that to actually be true. Despite doing my level best not to, I actually underestimated this series’ penchant for creepiness.

Just in case you thought this conversation was going anywhere, Jacob brings it back to the beginning when he reiterates his contempt for vampires. Bella responds that it shouldn’t matter. Where is this going, Stephenie Meyer? I’m pretty sure we’ve heard this already. I’m pretty sure because I just read it in the last chapter. And in the chapter before that. Get on with it already.

Chapter 6. Switzerland

Whoa! My metaphor sense is tingling. Might this chapter be setting up Bella as a neutral party (Switzerland) between two warring factions (vampires and werewolves)? Eh? Eh?

Bella leaves the reservation. As she drives, she notices Edward following her. Bella is afraid to deal with him, so she goes to a friend’s house. Okay, is the Twilight theme for this week abusive relationships or what? Reading this series is like watching an episode of Cops, only with less alcohol and fewer white tank tops.

Angela, Bella’s friend, asks Bella whether Jacob might be jealous of Edward. Bella cluelessly denies it, but Angela doesn’t buy it. I’m amazed Stephenie Meyer let someone contradict Bella without suffering retribution from the universe, but it’s true. Angela seems to be set up as the token wise and observant character in the novels, and that means she can gently point out self-evident things like this even as she ignores the really unhealthy things Bella does. And by the way, where was Angela the four months Bella had screaming nightmares? I guess “observant” in this series means “observing” whatever the plot calls for.

Bella’s response?

"Jake's going through kind of a tough time. He needs me."

No, Bella, I’m pretty sure he needs someone that isn’t likely to spark an interspecies war just for visiting him. And who doesn’t want to become a creature that is his mortal enemy. And, ideally, is not a sociopath.

Bella leaves for home. Edward is there, and they have the predictable argument about her visit. To her credit, Bella actually shows a spine and doesn’t back down. Still, that doesn’t count for much with a vampire stalker boyfriend who is willing to disable her car to keep her at home. I’m suprised he doesn’t just bind her feet. The conversation ends because Edward needs to head out of town, and Bella goes over to have a slumber party with Alice.

Ah, the slumber party scene. This is one of the creepiest scenes in the series so far, and no, I’m not making a slumber party joke. It’s creepy because Bella is quite literallly being held against her will by her own friends and potential family–for her own good, of course. To her credit, Bella seems to realize this is wrong:

"Alice, don't you think this is just a little bit controlling? Just a tiny bit psychotic,
maybe?"
"Not really." She sniffed. "You don't seem to grasp how dangerous a young werewolf can be.
Especially when I can't see them. Edward has no way to know if you're safe. You shouldn't
be so reckless."

Alice laughs about it, but she takes care to keep Bella out of contact with others. I’m not exaggerating–Bella has to persuade Alice to let her use the phone. With reluctance, Alice lets her have her phone call. Bella calls Jacob and cancels an upcoming visit to the reservation. Her reason? She’s being held hostage by friendly vampires. Yes, that’s the worst thing she could possibly say, and Jacob makes plans to rescue her, but Bella asks him not to and he immediately agrees. By now I’m starting to wonder if Stephenie Meyer is writing this book by Magic 8-Ball, since this makes zero sense given what we know of Jacob’s motivations.

Bella gets ready to go to bed. Odd. What I know about slumber parties can be written in meter-wide letters across the head of a pin, but I’d always assumed they involved more than just sleeping. But wait! Rosalie comes in and wants to talk to Bella. End of chapter.

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Well, the series took a definite turn for the creepy in these chapters. It’s funny and more than a little sad that in a series about werewolves and vapires, the only horror to be found is in the mundane things: spousal abuse, controlling boyfriends, and eighteen-year-old girl furious at life for making her grow up.